The Weight of The World
by Slab
Summary: It is a wide held belief that one's semblance can be seen as a reflection of their character, that it represents some essential part of that person. Azure Himmel, a citizen of Atlas, does not follow this particular philosophy. She does not want to think about the implications it would have for her if it was true.


Azure let her alarm keep on ringing. It was easier to do that, to just let the it keep blaring while she lay in the bed that was quickly becoming familiar. She had started to realize that this was her one of her least favorite parts of the day. She knew that in theory if she actually got up it would be easier, that once she started to do something the memories would slowly shift to the back of her head where it was easier to ignore them, it all just felt futile.

After almost twenty minutes of staring blankly at the ceiling the alarm finally became annoying enough to warrant action. Last night she had turned her scroll's volume up as high as it would go and had put it as far away her bed as possible; that way if she wanted to turn off the alarm she would have to actually get up and walk across the room. She had even plugged it in so she couldn't just wait for the battery to die. With a groan she rolled out of the bed and detangled herself from the scratchy wool blanket that the school provided, all the while cursing her past self's foresight.

As she struggled to her feet she did her best to shake the sleep from tired limbs ignoring how her muscles protested. The dorm room that Atlas had assigned her was just big enough to accommodate its two bunk beds and four desks but it felt like a marathon as she shuffled over to her screaming scroll. She was slightly surprised when she got all the way to the far wall without accidentally tripping or kicking one of the many things that cluttered the floor. The Academy had supplied her with the basics of life as well as a yearly stipend for any personal items that she had yet to even dip into, all said she didn't have much in the way of earthly possessions. Despite that, she had found a way leave her floor a minefield for bare feet. This was of course not helped by how she preferred to keep the lights dim and the shades shut tight. With a sigh she tapped at her scroll. Once she had finally silenced the bane of her existence she contemplated trudging back to the bed, it wasn't like anyone really expected her to do anything today. In the end she continued on with her morning routine; she had come this far might as well face the rest of her day.

Sighing she closed her eyes, not to sleep, but to mentally prepare herself for the next of the days challenges. After a while she opened her eyes and headed to the dorm's connected bathroom. While she was doing better then her half shuffle half stumble from earlier it still felt like a fight just to take those few steps. With an uncoordinated flailing motion she slapped the wall near the room's door in the vague area of the light switch, squinting when she finally succeeded in turning on the lights.

In stark contrast to the main room she had kept the bathroom relatively clean, but that was mostly through lack of use. She still showered every few days to avoid being completely disgusting, but most days it was just seemed like too much effort. She was aware that once spring term started she would be assigned to a team an she would have to start acting like an actual person again but that day seemed far away. Studiously avoiding the mirror, she started filling a glass with water and reached for her pillbox. It was an eye catching yellow separated into seven containers with helpful blue lettering telling her which box was for which day, she had decided long ago that it was unforgivingly ugly. Popping open the Tuesday box she discovered that there were only five pills today, only three of which she had to take now. When she had first been discharged from the hospital Dr. Rosa had sat her down and carefully explained what each of the pills were for and why it was important to take them. There was the variety of depression and anxiety pills that she was being cycled through that seemed to change every other time she went into for her weekly check-up, and the painkillers and anti-inflammatory medicine that made her jaw ache just a little less. She would have preferred to only take the last two, she would have really really liked that- But every time she thought about skipping them for a day she imagine Dr. Rosa's face and how it would twist halfway between pity and disappointment if she ever found out. That always made her swallow her pride… literally.

Putting aside two of the painkillers for later in the day she popped the rest into her mouth and downed the glass of water. With that out of the way she paused; she could jump into the shower, she was hungry the people in the cafeteria would stare at her less if she didn't smell, but there was something else she had been putting off for a long time. She had gotten pretty good at avoiding her reflection in the last month, only catching glances out of the corner of her eye, and she liked it that way. But ever since they had removed her bandages and stitches two weeks ago there had been a morbid curiosity growing inside of her. What did she look like? She had never been particularly vain before the attack, but the few friends her own age that her small hometown of Aegis had insisted that she was quite the looker. Now, she didn't know what she would see if she looked in the mirror, what everyone else saw when she dragged herself out of the dorm room. She knew a little bit of what to expect, the Ursa's swipe had turned the left side of her face, and some of her neck, into hamburger meat. That was likely to scar horribly, especially since her Aura had been so depleted that it had only recently started to positively affect the healing process. The Ursa had also broken her jaw so they had drilled into the bone and attached a small plate on both sides to make sure it healed correctly. To make sure that the surgeons had enough room to operate they had cut open her right cheek completely. There had been other injuries of course, small nicks and bruises that were only really dangerous in their shear quantity, but those were easily hidden by of the Academy uniforms that were now her only clothes. She couldn't cover her face though, not without looking like a White Fang wannabee. Everyone was able to see her scars, able to guess what happened to her on the worst night in her life.

Dr. Rosa had been understanding about her reluctance to look at her scars, but had said it was something she would have to overcome eventually and the earlier the better. She suddenly realized she had been staring intently at her hands that she had braced against the counter, her entire body was shaking. Before she could stop herself, talk herself out of looking at the horrible thing that would be in the mirror, she looked up.

 **-page-break-page-break-page-break-page-break-page-break-page-break-page-break-page-break-**

The bathroom door slammed behind her as she stomped over to the pile on the floor that was the least worn uniform. As she angrily pulled on the scratchy constricting ensemble there was a small part of her that was impressed that she hadn't puked, not that there was much in her stomach anyways. She wanted to scream; to shout, to curse whatever Gods there might be for doing this to her. She wanted to demand an explanation about what her parents had done to deserve to die that way. To question the divine plan that put over two thirds Aegis into early graves, and demand to know why they would let her live when it was her fault? But she didn't do that, because that would mean talking and she hadn't talked since that day. Instead she shoved her feet that would probably still feel uncomfortable after she broke them in, not even bothering to button up the over jacket and marched towards the door, pretending not to notice that the few parts of her face that still were still capable of feeling were wet.

She flung open the door intent on doing something, anything, to distract herself from that mess she had just witness and almost fell flat on her face. Sometime during the night, or early morning she supposed seeing as she had set her alarm for eleven, a decent sized package had been put just outside her doorstep. And in her rush to distract herself from the past she slammed her foot into it sending it down the empty hall and putting her drastically off balance. Momentarily she was glad that her dorm was in an empty wing because it meant that nobody had seen her act like a clumsy toddler throwing a tantrum. After she had calmed down slightly she approached the package slowly like it might bite her in retaliation. It was a standard Atlas shipping package with a small envelope taped to top, slightly crumpled after its trip down the hall. She frowned slightly, the expression pulling at her healing scars. Who would send her something? With some trepidation she knelt down and took the envelope in the hands she hadn't noticed were still shaking. In a thick looping scrawl that looked somewhat familiar there was two short words; _Azure Himmel_ , her full name. She had started and suddenly she couldn't stop, she tore open the envelope pulling out the letter within. The page was written in the same tick handwriting and she remembered who it belonged to now; Violet, an older lady that had helped run the general store back in Aegis.

 _Dear Azure,_

 _The bureaucrats of 'The Homestead and Settlements Office' back in Atlas finally signed off on our request to start moving back home. The last month has been hard on all of us but the best way to move on is to move forward. Nobody should have to go through what you did and a lot of people over here have been expressing concern over you training to be a Huntress, but I know you've found your own way of moving forward and couldn't be prouder of you. It broke my when I heard that you had lost all of your belongings in the attack and I started talking to all the others. The dam Grimm didn't destroy the entire town and we were able to put together a little bit of a care package to remind you of home while your down there in the big city. It's not much, mostly things your folks had lent out that hadn't quit made their way back, but I'm proud of the little scrapbook we were able to make from the surviving pictures of them. We will all be busy the next few weeks rebuilding, this time maybe they'll listen to me and make the walls bigger, but one of the first things well be working on is the CCT rebroadcast dish. I'm sure once it's up everyone will want to talk to you, especially the younger ones. As far as I know you'll be the first Huntress from Aegis in living memory, and I'm as old as dirt. Keep moving forward._

 _Sincerely Aegis_

By the time she had finished she was sobbing, the pain and grief so much worse than it had been only moments before but somehow cathartic. She wasn't sure how long she sat in the hallway crying, but when she finally came back to herself the faint grumblings in her stomach had turned into a tight painful knot. Carefully, tenderly she picked up the package and walked back into the dorm. Eating could wait.

 **Authors notes:**

 **So, this is my first real try at a Fanfic. Obviously, this is an o.c. of mine currently staying at Atlas Academy. More about her past, and a few more o.c.s will be added later on. A friend of mine, and the beta for this story might be writing a separate but connected Fic called "A Weight off Your Shoulders" Please leave reviews because I want to improve. I understand that when the next season comes out a lot of the worldbuilding work we've done will be considered non-cannon so we will try to get at least a few good arcs out before that happens. Happy reading!**


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